It is impossible to force yourself to want something. All desires arise from the natural needs of the body. You can't make yourself to want to listen to music or want to eat. Of course, you can listen to music or just eat without feeling any desire, but you are unlikely to experience true satisfaction and pleasure from this. Unfortunately, our life is full of such situations when we do what we really do not want to, and on the contrary, we often suppress our true desires because of external circumstances. This is mainly due to two factors: not understanding and ignoring our own desires and the need to conform to the society or to imaginary ideals.
Unfortunately, from the childhood we are taught to listen to others instead of listening to ourselves. Listen to our parents, listen to the teachers, then, when we get older, listen to the boss, obey the laws and regulations. Social pressure also makes its job. We very often adjust to the others instead of developing our own personality. Someone suppresses himself in fear of losing friends or a spouse, someone in order to get some kind of benefit by indulging his bosses or important people. Someone is afraid of offending loved ones or being rejected. This constant disregard of one's true needs, suppressing one's personality to please others, creates inner discomfort, anxiety and depression. A person gets entangled in her feelings and no longer understands her real needs and cannot distinguish it from external pressure or expectations (as she perceives the external world). And this type of process can go on almost continuously thus making constant conflict of interests and feelings. And of course, such inner state is good soil for all possible types of anxieties, tensions and depressions.
For many it becomes really difficult situation, and it feels like you do not find any way out of it. It feels that you are helpless to resolve constant anxiety and inner conflict state. For many, many internal conflicts become unbearable, and usually people resort to medication: antidepressants and sedatives. Another very common option is to escape into alcohol, drugs, games and other similar activities that distract attention from the inner state. Unfortunately, none of this gives true solution to the problem, but only hide it even deeper. When we grow older and our psychological mechanisms of inhibition are getting weak, all these internal conflicts and anxieties return in the form of depression, phobias, sleepless nights, and a negative attitude towards the life. If the problems are not solved, but only postponed or we hide them away, they will not disappear or resolve in some miraculous way.
Such parallel life is exhausting. At home you are one person, at work - another, with friends - third, and only when you are alone, during sleepless night, you remain one on one with yourself. And many people really do not like this type of meeting with the inner self. It does not feel comfortable to take a closer look on inner world. It is much better to avoid meeting your real self and instead arrange a party with friends, or watch TV, play a videogame and so on. However, the inner discomfort will persist until eventually you agree to take responsibility for your life, for your emotions and your desires. The first step to understand yourself is to be honest with yourself and with others. Honestly admit and accept all your feelings, desires and actions. Take an honest and impartial review of your life. Analyze and accept your desires, character traits, mistakes, failures. Take an honest look at your attitude towards others. Do I have real friends or am I just hanging out with them out of fear of rejection and loneliness? Do I love my wife or husband? Do I love my job? Do I love myself? It is also very important to learn how to honestly express your emotions and desires. With such an approach to your Self and life, over time it will become more clear what you really want and what your priorities are. It will become easier to sort out your thoughts and emotions. Confidence that you are the master of your thoughts will build up gradually. Also, your view on life will gradually begin to change. Maybe old friends will find you boring or lacking common interests and probably new friends will appear. Self-respect will emerge. It is, of course, very difficult to change your character, your way of thinking. But if you set yourself clear goals, you will definitely achieve them, provided you work every day with persistence and determination.
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